Do feminists love men?

It seems to me like some people still don’t grasp the meaning of a feminist. Allow me to start by explaining once again that a feminist is a person who believes in bringing about the equality of the sexes (of women and men) in all aspects of public and private life. That person could be a man or a woman.

Some people ask, ‘Why the word feminist? Why not just say you are a believer in human rights, or something like that?’ Because that would be dishonest. Feminism is, of course, part of human rights in general – but to choose to use the vague expression human rights is to deny the specific and particular problem of gender. It would be a way of pretending that it was not women who have, for centuries, been excluded. It would be a way of denying that the problem of gender targets women. That the problem was not about being human, but specifically about being a female human. For centuries, the world divided human beings into two groups and then proceeded to exclude and oppress one group. It is only fair that the solution to the problem should acknowledge that.
Some men feel threatened by the idea of feminism. This comes, I think, from the insecurity triggered by how boys are brought up, how their sense of self-worth is diminished if they are not ‘naturally’ in charge as men.

Misandry

That having been said, feminists do not hate men.

Misandry is the hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against men or boys in general. It may be manifested in various ways including social exclusion, sex discrimination, history, belittling of men, violence against men and sexual objectification. Why does it feel like I practice misandry sometimes? I’m certain I’m not the only female or male who holds certain prejudices against men,or am I?

Sure, there are some people who hate and devalue men. Some of those are women and some are other men. But here’s the thing: Maybe some women feel that way, but they don’t hold power in society, so they can’t really enforce their thoughts. That’s a lot different from misogyny, which underlies centuries-long forms of openly discrimination of women.

Apparently, the term ‘I am a feminist’ has become synonymous to the statement ‘I hate men’. The mere idea of feminism is being misconstrued as the idea of hating men. It has become a widely spread belief that feminism represents the idea of switching the power structure so that men are on the bottom and women are on the top ; however, this is a common misconception!

But why?

So why do many people think feminism is equals to man-hating? Here are a few explanations:

  1. Because people have been told that feminism hate men for over 200years. People are irrational. The way you describe someone can completely alter the way you perceive their behavior. How do you think people have been describing feminism since 1800?..
  2. Because most men aren’t bad but think feminists says they are. This means being a feminist doesn’t mean you think all men are evil or that you blame every individual man you know for hundreds of years of oppressive behavior.
  3. Because some individual feminists hate men. Yeah, some feminists hate men and that brings out the difference between feminism and misandry. Though that little portion do not represent the entire feminists’ population.
  4. Because some feminists aren’t willing to address men’s issues. I believe that there are a lot of gender-based men’s issues to be addressed. For example why men in general have always been more likely to be caught up in the criminal justice system or be homeless or why men are less likely to graduate from college. These are real issues that the society should work to correct. But do feminists ignore these issues because they hate men? No. The fact that we’re in a male dominant society brings the mixed feelings about addressing men issues as if they’re default.

Feminists love men!:)
Here are a few reasons I believe feminists love men:

  • By insisting that fathers play an equal role in raising children, feminists show great faith in men’s capacity as nurturers and caregivers.
  • Why bother campaigning to end men’s violence against women if you thought that men were naturally violent—born to hit, rape, and kill? Work to end men’s violence is based on an assumption about the goodness of men, that men can do better and most men do do better than that (in spite of the evidence that some men portray the contrary).
  • Most feminists live with men and love men—their husbands and sons, brothers and fathers. Being independent doesn’t mean not loving men! And as mothers, they want nothing less for their sons than they do for their daughters: to be safe, happy, and fulfilled.
  • Most feminists are heterosexual, they’re actually sexually attracted to men.
  • Feminists know it’s impossible for women to liberate themselves from the narrow demands of patriarchy unless men liberate themselves too. In spite of centuries of grief, they invite men to join them in healing the world. They know it’s going to take both women and men to create a world of equality and gender justice.
  • Because they know men are not so different: Men also need to feel love, to be held, to be heard, to be free.
  • Because they know men are so much better than how they’ve often learned how to act.
  • They continue to let men control the TV remote.

Conclusion

In her little book ‘We should all be feminists, Chimanda Ngozi Adichie concludes with this beautiful story: “My great-grandmother, from stories I’ve heard, was a feminist. She ran away from the house of the man she did not want to marry and married the man of her choice. She refused, protested, spoke up whenever she felt she was being deprived of land and access because she was female. She did not know that word feminist. But it doesn’t mean she wasn’t one. More of us should reclaim that word. The best feminist I know is my brother Kene, who is also a kind, good-looking and very masculine young man. My own definition of a feminist is a man or a woman who says, ‘Yes, there’s a problem with gender as it is today and we must fix it, we must do better.’
All of us, women and men, must do better.” And better we shall do. Won’t we?

To my brothers reading this piece what would it take you to be a feminist? I don’t mean that you completely embrace your feminine side and all that but can you at least allow for equal rights,even in your relationship?(That’s a rhetorical question,huh?)

Enjoy reading!!

Email: shiimbaru@gmail.com for regrets,comments and suggestions.

Are men trash?

Men are trash is a statement that has been used over time. I do not know how much weight and truth it carries with it but I’ve tried to explore that. By the time you’re done reading this post you’ll make up your mind.

To most of my friends and I, men are trash is a punctuation mark. We use it whenever we can however we can, usually out of context.

For example: “(after a long conversation over the phone) Her: hey I gotta go, I’m running out of credit. Men are trash. (We both laugh.)”, Friend: “There’s so much traffic today, men are trash.” I: “That dress looks good on you,men are trash!”

As you can see, no hard feelings. No nothing.

Well, sometimes rather most of the time we use this phrase in the right context, when we actually mean men are trash.

On the contrary..

Don’t get me wrong. I have so many good,loyal male friends. Friends that are a text,call away. Men who treat me like their little sister,with respect,adoration and love. Men who challenge, inspire and empower me. Men who will correct me when I’m wrong, cheer me up when I’m almost giving up, lend me a hand when I need them, men who have seen me in my worst behavior and still stuck by me and a lot more. Men. Men who are not my brothers by blood but the universe brought us together because somehow I needed them as much as they needed me. If you are reading this (I can’t mention you guys) I love you,okay?

I have male friends who get quite offended by my misuse or use of the phrase, men are trash. We end up arguing about it with each side wanting to win by stating out negative and toxic traits about the other sex.

Men and women are genetically different. The same applys even to our physical appearance, personal and social behavior, emotional intelligence, reasoning and other very many areas.

Some men are trash!

To I choose to say some men are trash to avoid putting both good and bad characters in one basket. I want to share my personal experiences with such men and maybe next time I say men are trash you’ll know where I am coming from and that you probably are not trash but some men are.

My story

I’ve grown up in a family of four girls, the only man in my life during my early years was my dad. I therefore had little knowledge of how boys grow up,relate with girls and with each other, how they behave…Do they wear dresses? Do they squat to pee? Do they comb their hair? Do they cry so that daddy can hold them on his laps? Do they wear matching outfits with mama? Such are a few questions I had before joining school. My experience with boys in nursery school was terrible. I do not know whether it was because of my quiet nature that the little boys found pleasure in harassing me or because I was small or simply because I was a girl. One instance I have never forgotten was when a particular boy pulled me by my hair and asked me to open my mouth. I did so for fear of the unknown. The little boy spat in my mouth. Disgusting, isn’t it? Luckily I can’t remember how his saliva felt in my mouth but I never had felt so humiliated all my life. I cried,really cried and the boy asked me to shut up or he’d do that again. Surely? Anyway I went home and reported the instance to my lovely mom who came to school the following day and beat the hell out of that boy. I wonder if my mom remembers this, but I do. I do because that was the first of the countless times I have been treated with contempt, humiliated, disrespected and assaulted by men. I do remember because that instance taught me that boys do not know how to live with girls, how to treat girls with tender love and most importantly how to respect girls.

During age 6-8 I suffered silently two attempted rapes. I only mentioned one instance to one of my big sisters but we forgot it as soon as I had shared it. I grew up fearing men, fearing that they’ll not only spit in my mouth but would also sexually harass me. To be honest I knew very little or nothing at all concerning sex but somehow instinctively or by the power of the holy spirit, I did not get raped. I remember during the first attempt I told that guy “whatever you want to do to me is wrong and I will tell my dad, he will beat you!” Before the guy digested those words, or he was probably figuring out how to get down to business, I freed myself and ran (as fast as my feeble legs would carry me. I was trembling like a leaf on a windy day and a small chill ran down my spine. I was stupefied. I was scared of being a girl.)

Fast forward to days and times in university. Like every or most campus students, I was the life of the party. This is funny because most of the time I’d position myself at a corner, profusely decline any drink and spend the entire night watching other people get drunk silly,wasted to a point they had to be carried home. (Eventually I began taking a few shots of tequila because,for how long can one be a ‘holy Jo’? Peer pressure is real.) I would later learn from some of these girls that they’d get raped once they got home. By home I mean, someone would voluntarily act as a good Samaritan, carry a drunken girl to his place only to do the despicable.

Let me introduce the rape concept then finish my story,yes?… Cool.

Are you with me?

RAPE/SEXUAL ASSAULT

Rape is about domination. It is about having power and control over someone. Rape is always a violent crime. From that perspective, all rapes are “real rapeswhether you know the person or not and whether you’ve had sex with the person before. The crime forcing someone to do something sexual without their consent remains the same. And sexual assault is not only when penetration occurs, but refers to a wide range of actions in which a woman is fondled or groped, kissed or caressed, against her wishes. Most sexual assault doesn’t happen when some guy jumps out from behind a bush. It usually is when a man (rape is very rarely committed by a woman) takes sexual advantage of a girlfriend or wife, a family member or friend, or someone they have responsibility for. It happens when he plies her with drugs or alcohol to lower her resistance. It happens when he doesn’t listen when she says “no.” That’s why women (and not men) going on a first date tell a friend with whom and where they’re going; that’s why women (and not men) have friends watch their drinks in bars and keep an eye out for them at parties; that’s why women (and not men) have to think twice about initiating any sexual behavior. Sexual assault on a stranger is not so much about sex as it is about the need to dominate and control. It’s not about horniness but about insecurity or hatred. What about the much more common date or acquaintance rape? This may be about sex, but it’s sex gone bad. But, some will say, isn’t it just a case of a woman changing her mind afterward? Of a woman who says no but really means yes? Or a guy who gets a little carried away by passion?
Feminist educators have been very clear about two things: One is that all women must learn to be clear about their signals. To say no when they mean no, and yes when they mean yes.
But feminist educators also say clearly that neither ambiguity nor horniness is a green light for a man to ignore a woman’s feelings. So why is it confusing? Because to some men, sexual assault is not that distant from what they’re taught to do on a date. They’re supposed to be the one who makes the moves, who pushes, and who’s always ready for sex. Their mission is to score.

Back to my story. When I learned what girls go through I became very scared of going out anymore. I’d only do so in the company of a trusted female and male friend. When I was in my first year, a third year male student attempted unsuccessfully to rape me. (Reason being I was a virgin and he couldn’t penetrate.) I had cried my heart out,beat this guy with anything I could and he was determined to finish me. When he gave up I gave the biggest sigh of relief ever by deep down I was horrified of the creature before me. Friends and readers, this was a guy I knew, he was a friend of mine and I had learned to feel some sense of protection around him. All that changed once he tried to rape me. Not only did our friendship end but my view of men once more began to change. I avoided guys from school by wearing that serious,don’t-talk-to-me face, it wasn’t easy. I was unapproachable but sooner or later I was to let my guard down.

Have I mentioned the kind of sexual harassment that girls go through even in public? Maybe others don’t but boy! Have I been tortured in the streets? One time a street boy intentionally groped my breasts. I wasn’t naked or even wearing a revealing top (I do not wear revealing tops. I wear crop tops sometimes, which do not expose my chest and even if they did no one should harass me!) I went home and showered for several minutes because I felt so very dirty. I walk with my bags on the front to avoid a recurrence of the same. One other time a man shoved his male organ at me in public and I almost threw up, I wished I could unsee that disgusting scenario. The number of times I have had random men touch my hair (simply because it is ‘dreadlocks’) are countless. Should I start wearing a tarban? I think so. The number of times I have been touched inappropriately even in a bus, by the hawkers, down the streets are countless. The number of times i have beem called ‘my size’ by men from all walks of life…That statement pisses me off so much! Like what do you mean my size? I’m not a gaddamn house, plot or car! Have I contemplated reporting all these? Yes. But I usually I don’t recall the guys faces. Have I contemplated employing a body guard? You’ve got it right. Yes. But he’s got to be a man, what if one day he turns out like the rest sexual offenders.

It is embarrassing really sharing these stories here, but if it helps me to get them out of my mind, if it helps a lady out there to open up too, if it helps a man out there to look out for women, I will share it! There’s also this one time guys I knew forcefully undressed me and took naked photos of me because they wanted information from me. Information I knew nothing about. These guys had been my friends till that day. After a very unsuccessful interrogation, one of them threatened to rape me so that I’d speak. So he asked the others to leave. He locked the door and asked me to get started. By this point, my dears, I had cried my heart out when I was un dressed, I had no more tears and absolutely no energy to fight back. So I told this guy. “Whatever it is you wanna do, do it quick coz I’m willing but unable to stop you. I hope your daughter doesn’t go through this or worse in the hands of another man.” (He had a small girl.) I don’t know what my words did to him, but he dressed up, apologized and left me alone. Have I mentioned that the guys also took the little cash I had? Oh, they did and left me broke,humiliated and emotionally disturbed.

Lastly, in my case for ‘some men are trash’, when I was in third year I was raped. Allow me not to go deeper into this. I remember months later a girl came out and said that the guy had been sexually harassing her. That was when I also opened up to a friend. A month ago, a man,old enough to be my dad’s age drugged me, took my phone (how I miss that phone) ,shopping and withdrew cash from my M-pesa. (I voluntarily unconsciously gave him my pin.) I have heard similar stories from other girls but I never for a moment envisioned such a thing ever happening to me.

Tell me,friends, how am I supposed to coexist with such creatures? Aren’t men supposed to take Care of women, watch over them, handle them like the precious things, uplift them, fight for them? Why then do some men opt for the opposite? I do not know on what basis other ladies call men trash but I’m certain it is more or less my story. Studies show that one out of three women get sexually assaulted at some point in their lifetime.

Conclusion

Once again, I’m not concluding this topic. I have so much I’m yet to write about. Meanwhile enjoy reading!

I urge ladies to come out and speak about such experiences that they may have gone through. As they say a problem shared is a problem half solved, I believe a secret once let out becomes less overwhelming, less intimidating.

So are some men trash? What are your thoughts?

Is it Gender or Sex?

I’d love to start by thanking you dear reader for taking time to read my blog. I honestly didn’t expect that much of a reaction but I’m humbled,really. Thank you for believing in me.I got a couple of replies most of them were congratulatory notes and a few questions.There’s one email that struck me most and has inspired this piece.

Here take a look:”I have gone through every word in your article and I do agree with you that there exists inequalities and discrimination of women in our patriarchal society.

Being brought up in a family where domestic violence prevailed, my heart knows better and I advocate for the rights of women as a Christian husband to be (soon) …
However, don’t you think feminists push the debate beyond the limits? My view is this: What a man can do, a woman can’t do and it’s beautiful that way. Responsibilities are different in each gender when carried as directed by God e.g. Husbands are called to Love their wives sacrificially and wives are called to submit to the authority of their husbands, Women give birth after carrying the pregnancy for a period of 9 Months. This roles can’t be swapped.
That’s my take tonight,
Would you be happy to study what the Bible say about Gender and Gender roles as you continue studying further on the subject(if you’re a Christian)? This is the most exiting book that changed my perspectives on feminism so clearly,
Every Blessing,
B.M.”

I have intentionally changed the name of the sender for privacy purposes.Now, if anyone else wants to know,I would love to say that I am a christian. If by being a christian he meant ‘a follower of Christ.’ That I am.

I will dwell mainly on the second paragraph where my esteemed reader says: “What a man can do, a woman can’t do and it is beautiful that way.”I feel like this statement is quite irrational and old-fashioned. But I get it because it’s always been the story of mankind since time immemorial. Whether in politics or business it has always been a “chairman” in charge, even at the odd times when the chairman happens to have a vagina instead of a penis.

GENDER VS. SEX

Sex (in the boring form) refers to whatever might be the essential biology of males versus females.

Gender, in the important sense developed by feminists, refers to our ideas of femininity and masculinity. It has to do with the relations of power between and within the sexes. It is the result of how we raise boys and girls to be men and women.“Female” and “male” refer to sex. “Men” and “women,” “masculine” and “feminine” refer to gender. Of course, it isn’t so simple. (For more, read about XX/XY.)

Jobs and careers

Strange as it might seem, well into the 1960s, jobs were all described as “male” or “female.” You say doctor, lawyer, autoworker, judge, cop, priest, or politician and we say man. You say nurse, secretary, elementary school teacher, or housewife and we say woman. Social customs teamed up with blatant discrimination to keep women out of better-paid or more prestigious jobs.

Here’s a riddle from the early 1970s that everyone found almost impossible to figure out: A young boy is driving with his father. They have an accident, the father is killed, and the child is seriously hurt. He is rushed to the hospital and prepped for surgery. The surgeon dashes in and is about to take a scalpel to this little body but stops abruptly. The surgeon says, “I can’t operate on this child! This is my own son!”Ask a dozen people or a hundred people back then and they couldn’t figure out how this could be possible. Well, a twelve year old boy came up with two possibilities: One the surgeon was a woman, of course. And another: The patient had two gay parents.Were people stupider in the early 1970s?No. But our idea of appropriate jobs for women and men sure was. At the time, there were very few women doctors and even fewer women surgeons. (And, of course, few “out” gay and lesbian couples with children.)

Today, women make up half of newly graduating doctors and lawyers and an increasing percentage in other professions. Women have successfully fought to be hired in industrial plants and in the skilled trades. Women won battles to be paid equally for the work they do. But do they?

Is it that they can’t work as better as men do?Jobs that are dominated by men still have more prestige and get paid more, even if the less prestigious are much more important. For example, childcare and junior kindergarten teachers (98 percent women), how much do they get paid? I don’t know and I choose not to fire up that discussion here. But women are still bumping into prejudice. Women still hit their heads on the ceiling, above which it is difficult to rise. Meanwhile, millions of women continue to work in offices and factories poisoned by sexual harassment.

Can I expound a bit on that? Of course. Sexual harassment includes men hitting on women, making inappropriate comments, telling humiliating jokes, staring and touching in ways that women do not want. Now it’s against company policy; it’s often against the law. And yet, forms of sexual harassment still go on, day in and day out. Soon such women may even opt to quit of course giving fake reasons as to why and no one cares enough to know why. So yeah her position will be filled in by a man who’s not a weakling, who will not quit in the near future.

It’s not that we women can not do what men can do, actually someone said ‘what a man can do, a woman can do better’. Right?…Yeah right!

What does the Bible say about feminism?

Moving on swiftly, my brother from another mother in his email advises me to read the Bible so that I can clearly understand gender and gender roles. I would love to bring to your(all my readers) attention that inasmuch as i am a christian I’m a little bit skeptical about sharing here my views about what the Bible says. I believe that my understanding and yours are quite different, isn’t that so?But in this context allow me to share a few cents in the form of rhetorical questions and kindly do not take my opinions too seriously, read your Bible and I hope that you understand it better than I do.

The Bible has quite a number books, in my C.R.E. classes back in the day, the teachers said that the holy book was written by men inspired by God. Is it that the women didn’t understand language or couldn’t write or were they denied education?…

In his book “Manuscript found in Accra”, Paulo Coelho at the introduction bit says something that triggers me. Here it is: ‘In AD 170, a group of bishops met to decide which texts would form part of the New Testament. The criterion was simple enough: anything that could be used to combat the heresies and doctrinal divisions of the age would be included. The four gospels we know today were chosen, as were the letters from the apostles and whatever else was judged to be, shall we say, “coherent” with what the bishops believed to be the main tenet of Christianity. Reference to this meeting of the bishops and their list of authorized books can be found in the Muratorian Canon. The other books, were omitted either because they were written by women (for example, the Gospel according to Mary Magdalene) or because they depicted a Jesus who was aware of his divine mission and whose passage through death would, therefore, be less drawn out and painful.’

Tell me, why would they omit books written by women if not for the mere reason that women were not regarded as complete human beings? In any case were we not formed from the man’s ribs? She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

Nevertheless,I believe that God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. And
God intends male and female to contribute their unique strengths to benefit each other and the world. He goes ahead and assigns important work to all humans. God designs females and males with equal dignity.
Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness; and let them have dominion over all the earth.

The greatest philosopher of all time who had no educational background or even an intimate relationship with a woman, however, tried in his teachings, parables and miracles to show that women were equal to men. (But i wonder why he had no female disciples…)

Women are advised to revere their husbands as they revere God and husbands advised to love their wives as themselves, even as Christ loved the Church and give himself for it.That is crystal clear, isn’t it? But roles are not quite defined and mark you times have changed! Were not in the era of Kind David or King James; women have become aware of their autonomy.

Since the late 1960s, women have fought for work as a fundamental right. They knew it was both an economic necessity and important for being an autonomous person. They might want to have children, but, like men, didn’t want to give up the rest of their lives. Women bring diverse perspectives. And, anyway men, it’s your wives, sisters, mothers, daughters, and friends I’m talking about here.okrrrr!?

Conclusion

It feels like my using of this word conclusion doesn’t fulfil its purpose,lol. I do not not intend to conclude this work, well at the moment I just wanna rest and come up with content for my next post. I will say like Martin Luther said, ‘I have a dream.’ Sure i have a dream that one day every single woman will recognize her unique power, I have a dream that one day men and women will be seen as equals, (I see you shaking your head and thinking,aren’t we there yet, aren’t women even having political positions,managerial positions…) Trust me we’re not there yet but I’m sure we will if you continue reading my blogs😉. Oh and I hope I have explored my friend’s email fully.

shiimbaru@gmail.com for comments,regrets,inputs and keeping in touch.

Enjoy reading!!!

Let’s all be feminists, shall we?

This is quite an interesting topic, isn’t it? I’m certain not many people grasp the whole meaning of being a feminist. Someone actually asked me, ‘are you single because you’re a feminist?’ I found that very ignorant of the person but it stirred me to explore the whole thing and probably shed some light into it for others with the same ideologies.
Don’t get me wrong! I have not come bearing all the answers in regard to this phenomenon but certainly I know something; And if my little knowledge eliminates even ten per cent of your questions, wouldn’t you be satisfied if I could try answer them?…Yes?…Good!
Well, I am going to start with a few real case scenarios.

There’s this one time I went out clubbing. The bouncers(a male and female one) could not allow me in their reasons being that I am a female, I was alone and partly because I appeared underage. (Honestly I think appearing underage was the main issue, I really am as tall as a minion.) The male bouncer made it clear that pretty ladies do not go out alone unless accompanied by a man. Surely, can’t a girl go out alone and have fun? I felt that was very prejudiced and wrong so I designed a quick plan that worked. I walked asif leaving and came back less than a minute later interlocking my arm with that of a total male stranger who seemed to enjoy the moment awkward as it was. I gave the male bouncer a look that shouted, “My boyfriend has arrived and he will beat your ass later.” Whether he read the message or not don’t know. A young man walking into the same club alone would not be questioned.


I know of a lady who visited one of the five star hotels in the city late at night after driving for long hours and was certainly very tired. She was greeted with annoying questions – What was the name and room number of the person she was visiting? Did she know this person? She eventually could not get a room to spend the night. Reason being she ought to have been accompanied by a man or one was waiting for her inside. If that was not the case then she would better look for somewhere else. You know how this sounded to her; that she must have been a commercial sex worker! Surely, can’t a lady get a room alone? A man who walks into the same hotel at such an hour do not get harassed.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie in her book We should all be feminists shares this story: ‘When I was in primary school in Nsukka, a university town in south-eastern Nigeria, my teacher said at the beginning of term that she would give the class a test and whoever got the highest score would be the class monitor. Class monitor was a big deal. If you were class monitor, you would write down the names of noise-makers each day, which was heady enough power on its own, but my teacher would also give you a cane to hold in your hand while you walked around and patrolled the class for noise-makers. Of course, you were not allowed to actually use the cane. But it was an exciting prospect for the nine-year-old me. I very much wanted to be class monitor. And I got the highest score on the test.
Then, to my surprise, my teacher said the monitor had to be a boy. She had forgotten to make that clear earlier; she assumed it was obvious. A boy had the second-highest score on the test. And he would be monitor.
What was even more interesting is that this boy was a sweet, gentle soul who had no interest in patrolling the class with a stick. While I was full of ambition to do so.
But I was female and he was male and he became class monitor.
I have never forgotten that incident.’. I would not have forgotten it either.

Meaning

According to google Feminism is a range of social movements, political movements, and ideologies that aim to define, establish, and achieve the political, economic, personal, and social equality of the sexes. Feminism incorporates the position that societies prioritize the male point of view, and that women are treated unfairly within those societies.
Feminist theory focuses on analyzing gender inequality. Themes explored in feminism include discrimination, objectification (especially sexual objectification), oppression, stereotyping, art history and contemporary art, and aesthetics.

As you ponder on the meaning imagine that you couldn’t vote or couldn’t go to college. Imagine that you couldn’t work, or, when you did, you couldn’t join unions or hold certain jobs. Imagine that you couldn’t serve on juries or hold public office. Imagine that you were prohibited from driving a car, or from having a checkbook or a bank account with your own name on it. Imagine that stereotypes about you were the basis for discrimination in employment, housing, and education. Imagine that you couldn’t own property in your own name. Imagine that in the eyes of the law you were property. Imagine that you were afraid to walk on the streets of your town or city, afraid to stay late at work or work late in the library, afraid to walk alone to your car in some parking lot. Imagine if you even felt afraid in your own home. Imagine that everywhere you turn, everywhere you look, your body is being used to sell things, from automobiles to stereo equipment.


This was the situation for women for most of the last two centuries. It was against this that women have been fighting. And boy, have they been successful, most of those rights have been won (except, alas, the ability to live without fear of violence).


Feminism is a political ideology that fights for the rights of women to be treated equally, without discrimination, and to make their own decisions about how they will lead their own lives. It means women can choose to become what they want to become, and to be safe in following their own path.
Is this really such a radical idea? I don’t think so. If you think about it, women in the United States have been fighting for the same rights that were the basis of the American Revolution; the rights of individuals to find their own way, to make their own decisions, to live their own lives.

Beauty

Majority of men are attracted to women. When it comes to heterosexuality, that’s part of the deal. It’s in their jeans and might even be in their genes.
Pun intended. The problem arises when a woman feels valued more for her looks than for her brains, personality, or skills. It’s an issue when a girl is told by her teacher that she shouldn’t worry about math: “You’re pretty, you don’t need it.” It’s an issue when women say that even in serious discussions at work or school some guys can’t unglue their eyes from their breasts. It’s a creepy problem when eight-year-old girls are pimped by advertisers to get all dolled up to look sexually alluring. And it’s a big issue that so many of the women we all know feel a desperate need to live up to virtually impossible definitions of beauty. Impossible, for one thing, because there’s no timeless definition of women’s beauty. What’s considered beautiful changes from culture to culture, era to era, year to year. Back when feminism first emerged, lots of guys thought women were overreacting to worries about beauty and advertising. But do you know what’s happening now? Men are starting to get the same treatment. Dear men don’t you end up feeling like crap if you can’t land a job as a Calvin Klein underwear model. No wonder increasing numbers of males work out obsessively, transplant hair, diet, or have plastic surgery. Psychologists call it “the Adonis Complex”—the constant measurement of our bodies against some Greek god–like standard.

The society spends too much time teaching girls to worry about what boys think of them. But the reverse is not the case. Boys are not taught to care about being likeable. Parents spend too much time telling girls that they cannot be angry or aggressive or tough, which is bad enough, but then turn around and either praise or excuse men for the same reasons. All over the world, there are so many magazine articles and books telling women what to do, how to be and not to be, in order to attract or please men. There are far fewer guides for men about pleasing women. Wow!

Chivalry

Chivalry according to the Cambridge Dictionary means a very polite, honest and kind behavior, especially by men towards women. Is chivalry dead? Does feminism mean a man can’t hold a door open for a woman or pay for a date? Does it mean a man can’t compliment a woman when he think she looks nice? Don’t be ridiculous. Of course he can. Feminism is not a reaction against politeness or kindness; it’s a reaction against inequality and the perception that women are weak, passive, and helpless. If you feel kind and generous toward someone, it makes perfect sense to go out of your way for them. But ask yourself this: Are you doing it because you feel kind and generous toward that person, or because she’s a woman and needs special treatment? Ladies would you hold the door for a man? So go ahead and hold those doors open as long as you are not assuming that she can’t do it for herself.

Friendship
Men and women can be friends. Men and women are friends. Sex doesn’t always get in the way. And even if it does, you deal with it. But here’s the amazing thing about friendship: You make friends with people you consider your equals. You consider your friends your peers. You don’t make friends with your boss, or your college dean, or with some low-life you wouldn’t want to be seen with.
What does friendship have to do with feminism, you ask? That’s easy. Feminism encouraged women to be more assertive and confident. And feminist women encouraged men to be more emotionally available and expressive. And the more confident women get, and the more expressive men get-well, the more equal women and men are. And the more capable they are of being real friends. Greater gender equality makes our friendships possible, which is great for both women and men.

Look at this

There are some women, feminists and otherwise, who “bash” men rhetorically at least. Some are mighty pissed off.You might even say that those who have been seriously abused by men have a good reason to do so. But most women we know most feminist women we know don’t hate men. In fact, quite the opposite. They simply don’t like some of the things that some men do.
So what about “male bashing”? Well, we think it’s wrong if any woman or any man, for that matter says “men always do” such and such or “all men are” such and such. (How many times do you hear guys say that all men are dogs? Isn’t that male bashing?) I also think it’s wrong if any woman doesn’t take responsibility for her own actions, including sexist attitudes toward men or other women. But when they criticize the actions or beliefs of certain men, it isn’t wrong; it isn’t male bashing. It’s challenging a system that has given one-half of human beings a set of privileges and powers the other half doesn’t enjoy.
It often strikes me that some guys are the real male bashers. Many guys are too scared to express love, affection, or appreciation for another man, and would rather insult him with a put-down, even if he’s their best friend. That’s male bashing. Many antifeminist types believe that men are propelled by testosterone to rape, murder, and commit general mayhem. That’s male bashing. Millions of boys and men get beat up or physically injured by other males each year. That’s really male bashing.
So let’s distinguish rhetoric from the very real bashing experienced by millions of women at the hands of some men.

Conclusion

I am not entirely concluding this discussion. I am quite far from that. There’s just so much I want to go on talking about including female genital mutilation, misogyny/misandry, sex, rape, homophobia, lesbianism and feminism… etc. I’ve read books, articles and writings on feminism and I will therefore be borrowing ideas here and there inasmuch as most of the ideas are personal. What do you think about feminism? Do you think men should be feminists too? Lemme know what you think in the comments segment. You can also reach me via my email shiimbaru@gmail.com.

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